(no subject)

When I'm 'like this', about the only thing that brings true, unmitigated gleeful pleasure to my blighted little soul is Stromkern.

No, I mean it.

Pop that CD into the player, and with the first few brain-flattening thumps, the corners of my mouth curl up in the Grinchiest little smile you could possibly imagine.

Evil, evil glee. With lots of rage and base. Wheeee!

When I'm 'like this,' it really reinforces my certianty that my continued singleness is the only really and truly altruistic thing I can do for the rest of the human race. To inflict me on another human being would be tantamount to justifying the rape, torture and murder of another person's soul.

Or anyway, it would just be mean, ya know?

Meh.

An unexpected visit at work today - thank you, you know who you are, and you are neato-mosquito. :)

Off to class...

(no subject)

When I get 'like this', it's like being trepanned and having your brains replaced with hot lava and Pop Rocks. A condition few would envy, I imagine.

But what those of you who don't experience infrequent bouts of temporary insanity don't understand is this -

It's horrifying, but at the same time, it's something I wouldn't ever want to lose.

It's having every nerve ending stripped bare, sometimes only for just a few hours, and seeing everything with a kind of clarity not possible at any other time. A distorted clarity in some ways. A contradiction in terms. It's insanity, true - but it's also sanity of a very indescribable kind.

It makes empathy with those who are permanently mentally ill much easier.

It makes communication and relating to the rest of the 'normal' world very challenging.

It's madness, and it's fuel of a kind that makes the impossible sometimes, if only briefly, possible.

I don't expect anyone to understand or make allowances for me anymore.

I don't make allowances for myself.

It's not easy to be this way, but when the burning is the brightest, there isn't any other way I'd rather be.

Off to class again...