(no subject)

[my_window_seat]

When I get 'like this', it's like being trepanned and having your brains replaced with hot lava and Pop Rocks. A condition few would envy, I imagine.

But what those of you who don't experience infrequent bouts of temporary insanity don't understand is this -

It's horrifying, but at the same time, it's something I wouldn't ever want to lose.

It's having every nerve ending stripped bare, sometimes only for just a few hours, and seeing everything with a kind of clarity not possible at any other time. A distorted clarity in some ways. A contradiction in terms. It's insanity, true - but it's also sanity of a very indescribable kind.

It makes empathy with those who are permanently mentally ill much easier.

It makes communication and relating to the rest of the 'normal' world very challenging.

It's madness, and it's fuel of a kind that makes the impossible sometimes, if only briefly, possible.

I don't expect anyone to understand or make allowances for me anymore.

I don't make allowances for myself.

It's not easy to be this way, but when the burning is the brightest, there isn't any other way I'd rather be.

Off to class again...

Comments

[johnnybrainwash.livejournal.com]

Word of the day: trepanned. Very nice.

My occasional bouts of insanity are more like flights of mysticism. They make it pretty hard to relate to the rest of the world, but on the other hand, they're relatively harmless.

Not so much like burning as drowning, but in a nicer way. Were I being mystical right now, I'd go off on a little rant about fire and water, but it wouldn't make any sense.

Anyway, yes, if you can accept your madness, then go with it. It's not like sanity is all it's cracked up to be.

[sphere-play.livejournal.com]

q>Anyway, yes, if you can accept your madness, then go with it. It's not like sanity is all it's cracked up to be

Precisely, I couldn't agree more.

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing you stumbled over here from elegantdreams' neck o' the woods. Hola and all that.

[elegantdreams.livejournal.com]

yes, she is new, but I am hoping that we will see much of her, she is also my Holly's Sister.

[sphere-play.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's quite accurate - I hope you don't mind. Nice to meet you also :)

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

Mind? I consider that a recommendation!

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

Acceptance is something you are best off dong when there's little choice involved, no?

Actually, I guess I could go back on anit-depressants - if I wanted to end up a)dead or b)in the psych ward again.

So, yeah - I think I'll take my insanity.

Doesn't make me terribly palatable for the rest of the world, but ya know - I'm just God's way of testing everyone else.

Bastard, isn't he?

[elegantdreams.livejournal.com]

If you are Gods test to everyone else, I am glad that he saw fit to test me, I know that there have been times that I have failed, when niether of us were in a good place, but I'll tell you something, you have done so much, and you mean so much, and your continued participation in my life is an amazing gift that I don't even have enough words to give you gratitude for. So there is my two cents, and i hate meds, they are bad, as long as you can get thruogh the worst that your brain has to offer and come out on top, or at least come out, I never ever want you to go through that agian!

[sparklypelt.livejournal.com]

*I understand*

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

I kinda thought you might.

::hugs::

[sparklypelt.livejournal.com]

The hardest part is often coming back from Alice's place where two and two equal five. Everything is so expansive anc chaotic there. I can't explain it because it only makes sense when I'm in it. But I remember the feeling if not the logic.

It's the despairing in losing that moment of horrifying clarity where you HAVE the answers. Even if no one else can understand them, YOU have them and that is all that matters. But when you come back - it's gone like smoke.

I hate that. Insanity is better than sanity. I believe this.

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

Oh. God.

In a nutshell.

Couldn't have said it better.

::hands you a fucking medal::

[sparklypelt.livejournal.com]

::Uses it as an eyeglass to see into the future.::

...

what?

[darkwench.livejournal.com]

i think we can all understand having bad days hun. so don't feel bad. hope you are feeling better today :)

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

Heh - that was actually a good day. Today was the poopy-caca one. Gar!