my_window_seat | (no subject)

Thanks to a two-week stint at Chuck's Nuts at the State Fair last year, my taxes, and thus my applications for financial aid for school, have officially turned tonight into a major clusterfuck of frustration. If I'd made $70 less than I did, I wouldn't have this goddamn aggravation - but I did, and now I do.

Going back to school seems like the stupidest motherfucking idea I've had in a long time right now.

I'm trying to tell myself that I'm tired and disproportionately upset right now.

It isn't helping at all.

I am tired, and this probably isn't a big deal, in the grand scheme of things -

But for christ's sake - getting funds to go back to school has turned into a part-time job unto itself. One for which I'm not being paid at the moment. It isn't going to pay my phone bill, my utility bill, my rent - and yet it's eating up so much time in making phone calls, filling out and taking paperwork to this office or that department, that I'm fitting my paying work into the time normally used for, oh, I don't know - sleeping and other stupid shit like that.

And the car needs a new axle, and my computer refuses to read ANY of its CD drives - which means all the imaging work I've done thus far and had to save to disc because my 4GB drive couldn't hold it is now completely inaccessible to me. The money necessary to fix these things is nowhere in sight, and all I really feel like doing in at the moment is assuming the fetal position. Or kicking something. Really FUCKING hard.

And the money I was looking forward to getting VERY FUCKING SOON for my tax refund is now way, way off in the mail-it-in-and-forget-about-it-for-another-8-weeks future.

FUCK this day. Fuck the fact that I have no fucking money, fuck the fact that going back to school seems like a task of Sisyphian proportions, fuck feeling like a broken-down middle-aged freak who would probably buckle under the pressure of school, anyway, so who am I kidding? What would be the point?

Hey, Universe - FUCK YOU TOO.