(no subject)

[my_window_seat]

I don't exactly feel dirty per se, but I guess I do feel a little self-compromised.

My Creative Writing teacher asked me to submit poetry for a contest. 

I'd already told her my personal feelings about publishing; that it's not of much interest to me because first and foremost, I write to please myself.  Also, that I don't like rejection.  The combination of these two things boiling down in my head to, if I like what I write, and I write for my own pleasure, I don't care to have my own satisfaction of writing diluted by it not being to other people's tastes.  I like writing.  If someone else doesn't like it, that's not a problem--but I'd rather not have something I've done for my own enjoyment feel less enjoyable because I'm now looking at it in terms of whether it's 'good enough' for someone else.

Meh.  I'm a big pussy.  'Nuff said.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about the work I did finally give her to enter in the contest.
Because yeah, I did give her some.
And yeah, I'm totally okay with admitting that it felt good that she asked.

What's bugging me is that I did alter one particular piece both to suit her tastes and because of the comments of a few of the other students made when the piece was workshopped.

If I felt that the piece was better for the changes, it wouldn't bother me at all.  I'd actually be pleased.

What's bothering me is that I don't think the changes I made really did anything to strengthen the piece.
And now I'm not sure I'm as happy with it anymore.

When I write for pleasure - something I've done very little of since this whole return to school thing, generally what I end up with is something that's exactly the way that I want it to be.  I draft and redraft while I'm writing.  I've found that since owning a computer, I can't compose with any satisfaction except on a keyboard, because it's so much easier to edit on the fly, and I prefer that now.

When I've completed something, aside from the small tweak here and there, it's the way that I want it to be, or as close to it as I'm ever likely to get.

I don't like the fact that I changed something to suit someone else when I was already satisfied with the way it was.  When it was already something that I liked, just the way that it was.

Not a big deal really, but it's bugging me.

Now that I'm already feeling slightly whorish, I'm curious enough to want to solicit feedback:

What are your thoughts about changing what pleases you to suit someone else's opinions? 
Would you rather have something published in a way that's not as satisfying to you, or would you rather keep it to yourself the way you like it?

Comments

[xengar.livejournal.com]

My view on it is that no-one else is going to read something the way I wrote it due to differing mental perspectives. At the most basic level, The specific shade I am referring to with the word 'green' is probably not the one it brings to your mind, and the problem only gets worse once you start dealing with the emotional charged topics that make for the best stories. Life, happiness, love, hate, death, all these mean subtly different things to different people, to the point that when everything is all summed up into a neat little review, two reviewers often sound like they are referring to completely different stories.

Because of this, I feel no qualms about changing a story based on input from someone else. If I wasn't ready for it to change, I would have kept it private and the issue wouldn't have come up. Of course, I am usually less attached to my stories than you seem to be. Although there are a few lurking on my hard drive that have not, and may not, ever be seen. Mirrors whose reflections I am not yet comfortable with, I might say, if I were looking for a poetic metaphor. Strangely, I don't have this sort of connection to the little poetry I've written.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the matter, hope they're of use :)

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the matter, hope they're of use :)

Actually, yes. It helped me clarify my thoughts a little bit. *coff* I even edited my entry to reflect that. But you didn't hear me say that. *coff coff*

What's bothering me is not so much the idea of changing something. If something can be made better by editing, huzzah and hooray, and sometimes constructive feedback has helped me find just the right edge for something that it was missing before.

I'm not really sure that this was one of those instances, though. If I felt like the work was better for the changes, I don't think I'd feel this uncomfortable.

But - I'm going to be thinking about this in the future - my relationship to writing - with what you've mentioned. Examining my attachment issues.

Heh. Issues.

Ack. Making me think, you are. Damn you!

[badbadbookworm.livejournal.com]

Eh. In my line of work I don't really have the luxury of being precious (I'm not suggesting you're precious - I'm writing specifically FOR publication, which is a different kettle of fish).

I suppose because of that I've become less protective of my "for me" writing as well.

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

Hm.
Either I'm doing a *really* poor job of trying to express why this bothered me -

Or I've got some sizeable baggage I should examine.

Either way - argh.

[badbadbookworm.livejournal.com]

To give you the flip side, if everybody in the known universe thought I should change something in a piece where I had creative control (ie not for work), and I vehemently disagreed, I would not change it. The best literature is not written by committee. So don't feel too much like you have snowflake-itis xxx

[kamarie.livejournal.com]

Oh wow! I deal with this every day.

The first time I changed something, based on someone else's opinion, I felt like a whore. I big whore who was paid with other people's ideas.

The I learned about collaborating. Like right now I'm working with a director, and we came up with an idea together. It's noted in the script...

But mostly, I like to use my own ideas. Yes, you can tweak to please, you can change from someone else's idea, but for me it's more of a matter of pride than anything else.

I've never looked at writing the way you do. It's kind of a shame. I think I've always written knowing that someone else was looking on. I should try some private scribblings sometime and may myself swear not to use them in a script. (Maybe that'll be my New Year's resolution.)

Nothing of mine gets published unless I'm 100% satisfied. Usually it takes 8 or 9 drafts of me compromising with the audience to get to a point where I'm satisfied. Making changes to something should be an exploration. Your exploration. If it happens, that your teacher's idea was the right one, then that's okay.

I personally would love to see your work published that way I could read it over and over!

a few seconds between tasks at work...

[killbox.livejournal.com]

I'm not trying to say if you should or should not, change based upon what someone else wants you to do.

But sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone to really do the soul searching required to decide for yourself if you still feel it is valid, or perhaps you will find you have new ideas on the subject.

Differences

[vincebyron.livejournal.com]

I like to fancy myself as an author. As such, I feel that I understand what you are saying and what everyone else is saying and how it is different. I have taken a great deal of criticism on my writing. Like most of the other people, it has allowed me to sharpen the edge of my story telling and drive home the point from a perspective I had not seen. This is good in that it allows you(hopefully) to reach a wider variety of people. The problem I have run into and it seems like you are concerned with is when people make suggestions that just do not make sense to me. My wife often suggests that I have the antagonist in my stories suffer at the end to give closure and allow people to leave with a good feeling. I am not about feeling good. I hate that suggestion and I refuse to use it because it changes my story from something I love to something that is hollow and not connected to me. This seems to be your complaint. You took something that was right to you and changed it to fit other people's views of what was right. I feel for you in this and I must say that you have something I do not in being able to do this.

Not saying it is right or wrong. It is your decision and your decision alone of the creator.

[broken-bokken.livejournal.com]

While it's virtually impossible to take a truly objective look at your own work, it's what I try really, really hard to do when taking someone else's suggestions into consideration. I'll attempt implementing them and if I like what came out better than what I'd come up with on my own, I keep it. If not, I go back to my way. Same basic approach I take to everything.