(no subject)
Mar. 9th, 2007 10:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
my_window_seatBorderline Personality Disorder.
Diagnostics for Fun and Profit!
Hum.
I'm not a believer in giving people labels. There is much that people can do to change their lives, given the right kind of support and the willingness on their part to do the work that it requires.
It is a lot of work, though. It is, and always will be, an ongoing process.
Living with a mental illness, or even a basic personality issue that gives you problems, is challenging. I wouldn't be where I am right now without the support of friends and adopted family, and a few years of qualified professional help. I haven't been on medication for several years now. The people in my life have given me stability, and that was what I really needed. Drugs can't do that, though the time that I was on medication had benefits that helped me to get to the next step. Even a therapist can't do it for you, although they are very instrumental in helping one to acquire and learn to use the tools necessary to adapt and make positive change possible.
But really, it's all about the people who have cared for me, despite all the times I've given them every reason to throw their hands up in despair.
It's all your fault. Damn you. Grar.
Being back in school has been a great help, too. It's been *crazy-making* in some instances, too, but by and large, it's been a very positive thing. I've had viable goals to work toward. I learn new skills, interact with other people, get constructive feedback towards making improvements and am given tangible rewards for success. On graduation, I'll have opportunities that wouldn't have been available to me before - partly because of the degree - but mostly because I'll know, really know, that I'm capable of achieving them.
I still fall down. I forget what I've learned, not book-larnin', but life learning. Sometimes I forget who I am, where I am in relation to where I used to be. I revert back to fight-or-flight response and end up sabotaging myself and hurting other people around me in the process.
I've gone on a lot about this lately, but I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by the kind of people who take me as I am. The good with the bad.
I'm still a handful of sparking nerve endings a lot of the time. Some of that is who I am, and I wouldn't be me without it. Some of it - yeah. I will always have work to do, getting electrical tape over the ends as they get unmanageable.
I think the universe is trying to tell me something, though. I think it's something along the lines of:
"Do the best you can, with what you're given. Do it even when it's hard. Take a good look at everything and everyone around you. Remember what this looks like. When you start to forget, call all this to mind. Because if you don't give up on yourself, there's all this and more waiting for you. That's a promise."
Dear Universe -
Thanks muchly for the reminder.
Love,
Me
Diagnostics for Fun and Profit!
Hum.
I'm not a believer in giving people labels. There is much that people can do to change their lives, given the right kind of support and the willingness on their part to do the work that it requires.
It is a lot of work, though. It is, and always will be, an ongoing process.
Living with a mental illness, or even a basic personality issue that gives you problems, is challenging. I wouldn't be where I am right now without the support of friends and adopted family, and a few years of qualified professional help. I haven't been on medication for several years now. The people in my life have given me stability, and that was what I really needed. Drugs can't do that, though the time that I was on medication had benefits that helped me to get to the next step. Even a therapist can't do it for you, although they are very instrumental in helping one to acquire and learn to use the tools necessary to adapt and make positive change possible.
But really, it's all about the people who have cared for me, despite all the times I've given them every reason to throw their hands up in despair.
It's all your fault. Damn you. Grar.
Being back in school has been a great help, too. It's been *crazy-making* in some instances, too, but by and large, it's been a very positive thing. I've had viable goals to work toward. I learn new skills, interact with other people, get constructive feedback towards making improvements and am given tangible rewards for success. On graduation, I'll have opportunities that wouldn't have been available to me before - partly because of the degree - but mostly because I'll know, really know, that I'm capable of achieving them.
I still fall down. I forget what I've learned, not book-larnin', but life learning. Sometimes I forget who I am, where I am in relation to where I used to be. I revert back to fight-or-flight response and end up sabotaging myself and hurting other people around me in the process.
I've gone on a lot about this lately, but I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by the kind of people who take me as I am. The good with the bad.
I'm still a handful of sparking nerve endings a lot of the time. Some of that is who I am, and I wouldn't be me without it. Some of it - yeah. I will always have work to do, getting electrical tape over the ends as they get unmanageable.
I think the universe is trying to tell me something, though. I think it's something along the lines of:
"Do the best you can, with what you're given. Do it even when it's hard. Take a good look at everything and everyone around you. Remember what this looks like. When you start to forget, call all this to mind. Because if you don't give up on yourself, there's all this and more waiting for you. That's a promise."
Dear Universe -
Thanks muchly for the reminder.
Love,
Me
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no subject
Date: 2007-03-10 06:34 am (UTC)Hey, I got that!
In fact, I remember one evening when a bunch of us were...not in our right states of mind...when I mentioned this.
Dear ol' Bert asked "What personality disorder?"
"Uh, just borderline, that's all the doctors said."
"Yeah but I wonder what it borders."
"I thought it was, you know, a thing of its own?"
"No, they must have meant that it borders some personality disorder."
no subject
Date: 2007-03-10 06:59 am (UTC)"Yeah but I wonder what it borders."
I like that. I want to create an imaginary country that it borders on now.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-10 08:00 am (UTC)and you say that I have helped with stability?
no subject
Date: 2007-03-10 08:04 am (UTC)I will ignore the sarcasm, because you *know* how large a pillar you are in the foundation of my stability.
Maybe I'll ignore it. I was going to give you command of one of the armies. Just for that, I may have to reconsider.
...
Okay. You can have an army. Go nuts!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-10 08:46 am (UTC)