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Because my time-management skills FAIL these days, it's taken me this long to finally look at the disc of recovered photos from my cell phone.  Yeah, those pictures.

I can't possibly say thank you enough times to [livejournal.com profile] killbox  for recovering these.  The vast majority of what was on there was kinda crap, but the small handful of pictures that actually got taken while my daughter was in town are absolutely irreplaceable. 

And because I love you, I will put them behind a cut.

Except this one, because it is my very favorite - and until the stupid card died, it was the screensaver on my phone.

The most Beyootiful Girl in the World at the State Fair. 



And the rest, behind ze cut. There's not a ton, but they are really great pictures, not just because she's gorgeous, but because she's also a spaz. I only take partial credit for that, because her dad at least USED to be a spaz, too. )





Again, [livejournal.com profile] killbox , you are hereby awarded Most Awesome Human Being points forever and ever and ever for saving these.
I'm still really, really broke right now, but I owe you so very big time!



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Latest picture of my daughter.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

She's so beautiful. She just - takes my breath away.
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I know I haven't updated in a long, long time.

I'm too tired to really do so now, either.

Long series of stories short:
Life. Hell. Handbasket.

Epilogue:
Still, I'm surviving.

Saving Grace:
My daughter.

Wow.

Just - wow.

Inteligible update at another time.

::transmission ends::
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My daughter kicks ass. With both legs.

Just thought I'd share that.

Wow.
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Just got the most - wow - e-mail from Shelby.

Wow.

Those that know - wow. Those that don't - take my word for it.

Wow.
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Got an e-mail from Shelby today.

I don't know what to say, really.
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So, it looks like my daughter isn't going to come live with me after all.

I don't know how many thoughts and feelings I have about this - every time I think about it, it's like my logical thought processes just sort of freeze up.

About the only thing that's clearly identifiable is a mixture of regret - and relief.

Regret, because in the short period of time that I've been corresponding with her, she sounds like a really kick-ass person. Smart. Resourceful. Non-judgemental. World-conscious. Responsible. Sarcastic. A real - individual

Relief, because more than anything, I can't stand the thought of being an even bigger disappointment in person than I must have been by proxy.

I don't know. It's still just so much to think about. I'm hoping that someday, anyway, we can meet. I'm hoping that, if and when that happens - I don't know what.

I just hope it happens.

Whatever happens, whenever I think about her, I feel like a pretty goddamn lucky person.


Date: Tue, 9 Mar 2004 22:50:01 -0800 (PST)
From: "Insert name here!" <-------.com>
To: "D. Miller" <-----@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Pony skwa

Yeah hazen was designed by a person who designs prisons!. It's funny, everyone says it does, but a realy sweet 'preforming center' was added in for plays, orchestra/band/choir concerts, and assemblys. Plus other renovations are on the way. (Im on the senate so i uh know all this stuff early heh.) We're FINALLY getting new windows, ones that have blinds on the inside and are insulated. Did you have the ones that open from the inside, well we still have them and theyre dangerous. Theyre doing all kinds of rennovations..Im a bit excited only because i'm in senate.

yeah im not allergic to cats, or anything besides leaf mold, dairy and maybe (hopefully not) wheat.

No offense but i really love washington esp seattle area ive grown up in it all my life and not that i dont love changes in scenery but i want to finish up high school/ college down here. Im not too sure but i just love seattle. I guess if i have no options but i talked to a case manager about it and i filled out an application for perm housing for teens and apparently it should be very nice. My only worry is food, since i pretty much eat whole foods, i miht have to buy my own food, and maybe meds. argh But i totally appreciate the offer.

Did you know that my dad is bipolar and has ADD *and* ADHD. I doubt that hed want to see you in jail, probably just gobs abd gobs of money for compensation of taking care of horrible little me for 14 years and back payments. He wants most of the world dead but i he never mentions jail.

anyway its late and i have school so Ill talk to you later, night.

---shelby


Date: Sat, 13 Mar 2004 04:52:40 -0800 (PST)
From: "~D~" <------@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Pony skwa
To: -----@planet-save.com

Wow, what a week - haven't been at the computer all week; sorry again for the delay.

Well, I can understand not wanting to leave a place you like and have to uproot - I mean, I *guess* I can; I didn't really have that luxury growing up, and kind of got used to never being in one place for more than a few months or maybe a year, tops. What's weird is that the place I'm in now - this is the longest I've ever been in one place *in my entire life*. It actually creeps me out whenever I think about it. Hum. Old habits die hard, I guess. Anyway, I say, if you know you like where you are, and if you can find a way to stay - definitely do it. It's probably for the best.

And it really sounds like you have a lot of good things going for you - school senate, pre-college program - geez! Again - I can see why you want to be where you are, doing what you're doing.

Just a thought, though - if you would want to come out here sometime in the summer just for a visit, I can try to come up with enough cash for a bus ticket or something. You could check out the desert and then be REALLY glad you live where you do! Just something to think about.

As far as your dad's list of diagnosis - I have to say I'm surprised. I don't remember him exhibiting *any* of the symptoms for all that stuff back when I knew him. Seriously, I keep wanting to say 'Who are you and what have you done with Dan?'. It just baffles me. But a lot of things baffle me, so I guess that just goes on the list...

And hearing that Hazen is upgrading doesn't surprise me somehow - it seems like every school I ever went to - college included - *waited* until after I was *gone* to upgrade their theatre facilities. Bastards.

Anyway, speaking of late - or early, depending on how you look at it...

Let me know if you think you might want to visit!

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Date: Sat, 6 Mar 2004 14:16:30 -0800 (PST)
From: "Insert name here!" <-------------.com> Add to Address Book
To: -----------@yahoo.com
Subject: RE:

Um. yeah i asked becasue my dad wont let me move back into the house, his wife doesnt like me, neither does he though. For a warning, he wants to 'track you down' and send me to new mexico to live with you. But ginger has alot of lawyer friends and i talked to a case manager yesterday about long-term housing for runaway, homeless, etc youth. I filled out an application and crossing my fingers to get in. I'll be glad to change high schools though, actually i'll be taking running start so i'll be enrolled in college as well. Because as you know, i'm sure, high blows,esp hazen. Didnt you go there? Mr strubred who used to teach there is the principal now, kinda weird, Mr kurle sitll teaches as well as his daughter.

Oh and i have horrible horrible issues with spam so anytime you send an email to me please make sure the subject box ioncludes 'pony' in there somewhere

--------------shelby


And my groggy response:


Date: Sat, 6 Mar 2004 15:57:46 -0800 (PST)
From: "----" <----@yahoo.com> Add to Address Book
Subject: Pony
To: ----@planet-save.com

You're totally welcome, and your Dad doesn't have to get all Secret Squirrel for that to happen. (He does have an obsession with pretending to be a Private Detective, though. Maybe he missed his true calling.)

What's really the issue is - what do *you* want to do? If you want to come out here, we can find a way to work it out - I can't promise you'll love Albuquerque, or living with me - but I'm game if you are. It may take some working out of details to make it happen, but maybe you can have Ginger talk to me and we can come up with a plan. If she has good lawyer contacts, that might be helpful - I think your Dad actually wants to see me serving time more than anything, and I have to admit, I'm rather adverse to that idea. You're the most important thing here, though - I'd gladly take the risks necessary to see that you don't have to go the homeless shelter route. I did it myself, and I definately do *not* recommend it.

Let me know what you want to do, and we'll go from there, okay?

P.S. Hope you're not allergic to cats, though - I have two of them...

P.P.S. And yes, Hazen was my Alma Mater - and I cried for a solid month after school when I got transferred there. Did it look just like a prison to you? That's what it looked like to me. Gack.


More personal thoughts on the subject being posted in a less 'public' place. Those who are in the know can ask. You know who you are.

Speechless

Mar. 6th, 2004 05:38 am
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From : Insert name here! <--------@planet-save.com>
Reply-To : -------@planet-save.com
Sent : Monday, March 1, 2004 8:32 PM
To : DbMi <------@hotmail.com>

Hey Mom,
I was wondering what your living situation was at the moment. Not to be blunt
or anything. thanx.

---------shelby


Jesus. She sent this on Monday, and I didn't get it until yesterday, because I keep forgetting to check that e-mail account. I replied to her last night.

I apologize for the response delay - I keep forgetting to check this e-mail address and just got your e-mail today (other e-mail is -------@yahoo.com).

My living situation is small, but that doesn't mean it couldn't accomodate two people - it's a one bedroom but I have a hide-a-bed couch. Guests would get the bedroom, because I usually work all night in the livingroom, anyway. I've been wanting to move for quite a while to get something bigger but haven't been able to afford to. I might be able to change this soon, depending on what the financial aid for school looks like - I'm starting back to school full-time for Summer semester.

I take it you're looking for a change of scenery?


JesusJesusJesusJesusJesus.

I hope I hear something back soon...

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