There is pain you can't think your way out of. You can't talk it away. If there was someone to talk to. You walk. One foot, the other foot....
You can't metabolize the loss. It is in the cells of your face, your chest. Behind the eyes. In the twists of your gut. Muscle, sinew, bone. It is all of you. When you walk, you propel it forward....
Then it sits with you. The pain puts its arm over your shoulders. It is your closest friend, steadfast.
And at night you can't bear to hear your own breath unaccompanied by another, and underneath the big stillness, like a score, is the roaring cataract of everything being, and being torn away.
Then. The pain is lying beside your side. Does not bother you with the sound, even of breathing.
That is some heavy shit, huh...? Getting all poetic on its ass, when what it is, is -
I miss you.
I really, fucking miss you.
Peter Heller, The Dog Stars
What is love? Perhaps we may find that love is the ability of someone to give us back to us. Maybe love is someone seeing and remembering handing us back to ourselves just a trifle better than we had dared hope or dream...
Once you showed me
what time it was by leaving me.
When I forgot, you showed me again
by coming back.
Life is made of small comings and goings, and for everything a man takes with him, there is something he must leave behind.
Herman Raucher, Summer of '42 *
* I love the fact that this book is a) based on Herman Raucher's autobiographical memoirs, and b) "...was released prior to the film's release and became a runaway bestseller, to the point that audiences lost sight of the fact that the book was based on the film and not vice-versa." (Wikipedia)
**Oh yeah. I went there. I quoted myself. My self-indulgence knows no bounds.
Being one is an in-between state, and the way out is pretty much what you'd expect.
Zombies are about how there are worse things than life.
...maybe baseball players know about zombies, too: you don't drop the bat unless you're going to run.
But you do run, in the end. That's how you get away from zombies.
You back away a couple of steps. You say goodbye. And then you turn. You run.
You don't look over your shoulder. You don't zig, because one too many zags puts you back where you began.
You run because zombies are slow but inevitable, and also because they're right.
There are worse things than life, and because zombies are better with everything.
Hannah Wolf Bowen, Everything is Better With Zombies
:: Moment of silence for Heath Ledger. ::
I've only watched a few movies over the last couple of years. I can't say exactly why, because I've no real idea. Just sort of the same disinclination as I had for reading when I finished college. Something nearly as important as breathing, and I couldn't get close enough to it to find pleasure in it - until I was able to again. Not for any particular reason. Just because it was time.
What's best about getting to the other side of a drought is how good it feels to be drenched again.
Seeing The Hobbit the other night was grand, and Snow White and the Huntsman last night, too.
And the best part of all three - besides yay costumes and make-up and CGI, oh my -
the best of each of these -
and oh the words.
The motherfucking words.
Yes, I use profanity here all the time, the way a cement mixer uses gravel, and yes, profanity is regarded as the hammer of a person with no chisels -
I don't care.
I know what words mean to me, and that's enough.
We have rested long enough.
Frost to fire and fire to frost.
Iron will melt. But it will writhe inside of itself!
All these years, all I've known is darkness.
But I have never seen a brighter light than when my eyes just opened.
And I know that light burns in all of you!
Those embers must turn to flame. Iron into sword.
I will become your weapon! Forged by the fierce fire that I know is in your hearts!
For I have seen what she sees. I know what she knows. I can kill her.
And I'd rather die today than live another day of this death!
Who will ride with me?
Who will be my brother?
Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found.
I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay.
Small acts of kindness and love.
Why Bilbo Baggins?
Perhaps because I am afraid, and he gives me courage.
All human activity lies within the artist's scope.
Words, with the brush and color of another voice.
If I have nothing else, these are enough.
Being a bad-ass is more about trying very hard to prove to people you aren't weak.
There seems to be something very desperate about it.
This kind of goes back to what I had said earlier: every girl wants to be feared.
As I meet various woman who claim to be bad-asses,
or try to show me how much of one they are, all I can think about is how frightened they must be.
There's something about being powerless that drives people to the desire to be feared.
As they fear the things in power over them, they decide that's what it means to be powerful."
the familiar stage where sat his father […]
holding a book but reading the empty spaces.
"Something Wicked This Way Comes"
I can't remember all the different formatting that's supposed to go along with this meme, so I'll just strike-thru the stuff I've already read, and then see what appeals to seek out for future reading. Because yay, over the last few months I've been again indulging myself in two of my three favorite Drugs of Choice: playing with art supplies, and reading.
LET THE ENABLING BEGIN.
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling<
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
40. Emma, Jane Austen
43. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
57. Swallows and Amazons, Arthur Ransome
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
71. Perfume, Patrick Susskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman in White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
101. Three Men In A Boat, Jerome K. Jerome
103. The Beach, Alex Garland
104. Dracula, Bram Stoker
105. Point Blanc, Anthony Horowitz
107. Stormbreaker, Anthony Horowitz
109. The Day Of The Jackal, Frederick Forsyth
110. The Illustrated Mum, Jacqueline Wilson
111. Jude the Obscure, Thomas Hardy
113. The Cruel Sea, Nicholas Monsarrat
114. Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
115. The Mayor Of Casterbridge, Thomas Hardy
116. The Dare Game, Jacqueline Wilson
117. Bad Girls, Jacqueline Wilson
119. Shogun, James Clavell
121. Lola Rose, Jacqueline Wilson
122. Vanity Fair, William Makepeace Thackeray
123. The Forsyte Saga, John Galsworthy
124. House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski
126. Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett
127. Angus, Thongs And Full-Frontal Snogging, Louise Rennison
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle
130. The Master And Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
134. George's Marvellous Medicine, Roald Dahl
136. The Color Purple, Alice Walker
137. Hogfather, Terry Pratchett
138. The Thirty-Nine Steps, John Buchan
139. Girls In Tears, Jacqueline Wilson
140. Sleepovers, Jacqueline Wilson
142. Behind The Scenes At The Museum, Kate Atkinson
146. The Green Mile, Stephen King
147. Papillon, Henri Charriere
148. Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett
149. Master And Commander, Patrick O'Brian
150. Skeleton Key, Anthony Horowitz
151. Soul Music, Terry Pratchett
152. Thief Of Time, Terry Pratchett
153. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett
154. Atonement, Ian McEwan
155. Secrets, Jacqueline Wilson
156. The Silver Sword, Ian Serraillier
159. Kim, Rudyard Kipling
160. Cross Stitch, Diana Gabaldon
161. Moby Dick, Herman Melville,
162. River God, Wilbur Smith
163. Sunset Song, Lewis Grassic Gibbon
166. Lorna Doone, R. D. Blackmore
167. Girls Out Late, Jacqueline Wilson
168. The Far Pavilions, M. M. Kaye
170. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
171. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
172. They Used To Play On Grass, Terry Venables and Gordon Williams
174. The Name Of The Rose, Umberto Eco
175. Sophie's World, Jostein Gaarder - [tried - got bored - reads like "Philosophy for Dummies"]
176. Dustbin Baby, Jacqueline Wilson
177. Fantastic Mr. Fox, Roald Dahl
179. Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, Richard Bach
180. The Little Prince, Antoine De Saint-Exupery
181. The Suitcase Kid, Jacqueline Wilson
183. The Power Of One, Bryce Courtenay
184. Silas Marner, George Eliot
185. American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis
186. The Diary Of A Nobody, George and Weedon Gross-mith
187. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
188. Goosebumps, R. L. Stine
190. Sons And Lovers, D. H. Lawrence
192. Man And Boy, Tony Parsons
193. The Truth, Terry Pratchett
195. The Horse Whisperer, Nicholas Evans
196. A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry
197. Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett
199. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle
201. The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien
202. The Eye of the World, Robert Jordan
203. The Great Hunt, Robert Jordan
204. The Dragon Reborn, Robert Jordan
205. Fires of Heaven, Robert Jordan
206. Lord of Chaos, Robert Jordan
207. Winter's Heart, Robert Jordan
208. A Crown of Swords, Robert Jordan
209. Crossroads of Twilight, Robert Jordan
210. A Path of Daggers, Robert Jordan
213. The Married Man, Edmund White
214. Winter's Tale, Mark Helprin
215. The History of Sexuality, Michel Foucault
216. Cry to Heaven, Anne Rice
217. Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe, John Boswell
219. The Man Who Ate Everything, Jeffrey Steingarten
220. Letters To A Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke
221. Ella Minnow Pea, Mark Dunn
223. Anthem, Ayn Rand
224. The Bridge To Terabithia, Katherine Paterson
225. Tartuffe, Moliere
227. The Crucible, Arthur Miller
228. The Trial, Franz Kafka
230. Oedipus at Colonus, Sophocles
231. Death Be Not Proud, John Gunther
233. Hedda Gabler, Henrik Ibsen
234. Ethan Frome, Edith Wharton
235. A Raisin In The Sun, Lorraine Hansberry
236. ALIVE!, Piers Paul Read
237. Grapefruit, Yoko Ono
238. Trickster Makes This World, Lewis Hyde
241. Chronicles of Thomas Convenant, Unbeliever, Stephen Donaldson
242. Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny
242. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon
243. Summerland, Michael Chabon
244. A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole
246. The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More, Roald Dahl
248. The King Must Die, Mary Renault
251. The Eyre Affair, Jasper Fforde
252. The House Of The Seven Gables, Nathaniel Hawthorne
254. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
255. The Great Gilly Hopkins, Katherine Paterson
256. Chocolate Fever, Robert Kimmel Smith
258. The Lost Princess of Oz, L. Frank Baum
259. Wonder Boys, Michael Chabon
260. Lost In A Good Book, Jasper Fforde
261. Well Of Lost Plots, Jasper Fforde
261. Life Of Pi, Yann Martel
263. The Bean Trees, Barbara Kingsolver
264. A Yellow Rraft In Blue Water, Michael Dorris
269. Witch of Black Bird Pond, Joyce Friedland
270. Mrs. Frisby And The Rats Of NIMH, Robert C. O'Brien
274. The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Jester
275. The Westing Game, Ellen Raskin
276. The Kitchen God's Wife, Amy Tan
277. The Bone Setter's Daughter, Amy Tan
278. Relic, Duglas Preston & Lincolon Child
280. American Gods, Neil Gaiman
281. Misty of Chincoteague, Marguerite Henry
282. The Girl Next Door, Jack Ketchum
283. Haunted, Judith St. George
284. Singularity, William Sleator
285. A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson
287. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
289. The Bookman's Wake, John Dunning
291. Illusions, Richard Bach
292. Magic's Pawn, Mercedes Lackey
293. Magic's Promise, Mercedes Lackey
294. Magic's Price, Mercedes Lackey
295. The Dancing Wu Li Masters, Gary Zukav
296. Spirits of Flux and Anchor, Jack L. Chalker
298. The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, Brenda Love
299. Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace
300. The Bluest Eye, Toni Morrison
302. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
304. The Lion's Game, Nelson Demille
305. The Sun, The Moon, and the Stars, Stephen Brust
306. Cyteen, C. J. Cherryh
308. Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson
310. Camber of Culdi, Kathryn Kurtz
312. War and Rememberance, Herman Wouk
313. The Art of War, Sun Tzu (multiple times)
315. The Telling, Ursula Le Guin
316. Xenogenesis (or Lilith's Brood), Octavia Butler (Dawn, Adulthood Rites, Imago)
317. A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold
318. The Curse of Chalion, Lois McMaster Bujold
319. The Aeneid, Publius Vergilius Maro (Vergil)
320. Hanta Yo, Ruth Beebe Hill
322. Beowulf, Anonymous
323. The Sparrow, Maria Doria Russell
324. Deerskin, Robin McKinley
326. Passage, Connie Willis
328. Tigana, Guy Gavriel Kay
329. Number the Stars, Lois Lowry
330. Beloved, Toni Morrison
332. The mysterious disappearance of Leon, I mean Noel, Ellen Raskin
333. Summer Sisters, Judy Blume
334. The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Victor Hugo
335. The Island on Bird Street, Uri Orlev
336. Midnight in the Dollhouse, Marjorie Filley Stover
338. The Genesis Code, John Case
339. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevensen
340. Paradise Lost, John Milton
341. Phantom, Susan Kay
343. Anno Dracula, Kim Newman
344: The Dresden Files: Grave Peril, Jim Butcher
345: Tokyo Suckerpunch, Issac Adamson
346: The Winter of Magic's Return, Pamela Service
347: The Oddkins, Dean R. Koontz
348. My Name is Asher Lev, Chaim Potok
349. The Last Goodbye, Raymond Chandler
350. At Swim, Two Boys, Jaime O'Neill
351. Othello, by William Shakespeare
352. The Collected Poems of Dylan Thomas
353. The Collected Poems of William Butler Yeats
354. Sati, Christopher Pike
355. The Inferno, Dante
356. The Apology, Plato
357. The Small Rain, Madeline L'Engle
358. The Man Who Tasted Shapes, Richard E Cytowick
359. 5 Novels, Daniel Pinkwater
360. The Sevenwaters Trilogy, Juliet Marillier
361. Girl with a Pearl Earring, Tracy Chevalier
362. To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
364. Green Grass Running Water, Thomas King
335. The Interpreter, Suzanne Glass
336. The Moor's Last Sigh, Salman Rushdie
337. The Mother Tongue, Bill Bryson
338. A Passage to India, E.M. Forster
339. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
340. The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux
341. Pages for You, Sylvia Brownrigg
342. The Changeover, Margaret Mahy
343. Howl's Moving Castle, Diana Wynne Jones
344. Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
345. Johnny Got His Gun, Dalton Trumbo
346. Shosha, Isaac Bashevis Singer
348. The Diving-bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
349. The Lunatic at Large by J. Storer Clouston
350. Time for bed by David Baddiel
351. Barrayar by Lois McMaster Bujold
352. Quite Ugly One Morning by Christopher Brookmyre
353. The Bloody Sun by Marion Zimmer Bradley
354. Sewer, Gas, and Eletric by Matt Ruff
355. Jhereg by Steven Brust
356. So You Want To Be A Wizard by Diane Duane
357. Perdido Street Station, China Mieville
358. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Anne Bronte
359. Road-side Dog, Czeslaw Milosz
361. Neuromancer, William Gibson
362. The Epistemology of the Closet, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
363. A Canticle for Liebowitz, Walter M. Miller, Jr
364. The Mask of Apollo, Mary Renault
366. Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
367. Absalom, Absalom, William Faulkner
368. The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway
370. Hyperion, by Dan Simmons
371. Prospero's Children, Jan Siegel
372. Gaudy Night, Dorothy Sayers
373. Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond
375. Cetaganda, Lois McMaster Bujold
376. Beauty, Sheri S. Tepper
377. The Hour of the Star, Clarice Lispector
378. The Patron Saint of Liars, Ann Patchett
381. Assassin's Apprentice, Robin Hobb
382. The Axis Trilogy, Sara Douglass
384. Sabriel, Garth Nix
386. The Silence of the Lambs, Robert Harris
387. The Hot Zone, Richard Preston
388. Night, Elie Wiesel
389. Einstein's Dreams, Alan Lightman
390. The Big Sleep, Raymond Chandler
392. Kissing the Witch, Emma Donoghue
393. The Wrong Boy, Willy Russell
394. Foundation, Isaac Asimov
396. Cry, The Beloved Country, Alan Paton
398. Little Help From Above, Sara Lee Rosenberg
399. Asking For Trouble, Elizabeth Young
400. The Boy Next Door, Meggin Cabot
401. Beautiful Bodies, Laura Shaine Cunningham
403. Best Friends, Martha Moody
404. Cane River, Lalita Tademy
406. Girls' Poker Night, Jill A. Davis
407. Last Chance Saloon, Marian Keyes
408. Sugarcage, Connie Fowler
409. The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene
410.The Dirty Girls Social Club, Alicia Valdez-Rodriguez
411. Circle of Friends, Maeve Binchy
412. Where the Heart Is, Billie Letts
413. House of Sand and Fog, Andre Dubus III
414. Lonesome Dove, Larry McMurtry
417. Tales of Ordinary Madness, Charles Bukowski
419. The Cheese Monkeys, Chip Kidd
Now to read and off to bed.
[Note: I also stealthed multiple quotes into a single entry. Go, me. :D]
How odd a work a diary is, a register of experience more than a calendar of days. It is the record of time's mental dimension. A fleeting instant of hope, joy, or fear may unleash a torrent of words; whole books may not suffice to write down what one gleans from a single moment's amazement. But there might follow uneventful weeks or months that reduce to a few poor lines, a dead time when nothing of import happens. And then there are the pages that matter most of all, those where silence governs: the chapters that shall never be set down because the will to write - perhaps the very will to live - evaporates. History breaks off when experience surpasses words, when grief, suffering, or shame runs so deep that one despairs of the the future. Yet in these unrecorded passages of life there can occur changes that shape the soul for the rest of one's days.
Theodore Roszak, "The Memoirs of Elizabeth Frankenstein"
"I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
- Marilyn Monroe -
File under "today's shit that made me start crying, as per usual."